They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others. The text focuses on the process by which step 9 helps us evolve from selfish to more altruistic individuals. The promises explain that “We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. However, it is equally designed for the people in your life now and in the future. By facing the consequences of our previous actions, we become more aware of the terrible cost of our behavior.
What If My Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?
You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships. To make amends, you must do more than just make apologies for your past behavior. Instead, making amends means you apologize for what you’ve done and make it right. Similarly, making living amends means you completely change the way you live and remain committed to that lifestyle. Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in Substance abuse their using, however an apology is not an amend.
Support Systems for The Ninth Step
If they receive that scholarship, they’ll pay 75% of that month’s rent. We believe that having the recipient help pay the bills empowers them and gives them a stake in their sobriety. Remember that the 9th step is not over when you have gone through your list.
My experience here at Silvermist was a lifesaving opportunity and blessing
Assess whether the person you’re approaching is prepared to engage in the conversation about amends, as it can significantly impact the outcome. Willingness to make amends is crucial for carrying out Step 9 effectively and initiating the reconciliation process. Accepting outcomes and working towards rebuilding relationships fosters closure and https://ecosoberhouse.com/ forward movement in recovery.
- Donating money, volunteering time, or providing care can serve as indirect amends when direct communication is not feasible.
- It’s important to be in a state of readiness, both emotionally and mentally, before reaching out.
- I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on.
- Recovery is about aligning your actions with your intentions, which often did not match during the time period of your active addiction.
- 12steppers.org is not partnered or affiliated with any 12 step program or website that we link to.
- We’ve given you journaling exercises around coping with regret.
Each type serves a unique purpose in recovery and offers various methods for addressing past wrongs and demonstrating commitment to change. Step 9 centers on forgiveness and restoration, confronting past actions directly rather than avoiding them. This step emphasizes making direct amends wherever possible, acknowledging harm caused and taking actions to rectify mistakes. Unfortunately, after you get sober, all the hurt and destruction you caused in the wake of your addiction doesn’t just go away.
Expressing Genuine Regret
For example, if we hurt people with our lying and we cannot make amends without further injuring them, we would make living amends by making a decision to behave and communicate with complete honesty. Your donation will provide a scholarship to someone in recovery, supporting them through the first few months of sober living in one of our partner organizations. To learn how your gift supports our scholarship, click below. My name is Kyle, and I have been a blessed recipient of a sober living scholarship program from Living Amends. For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word. You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do.
Usage of any form or other service living amends on our website is subject to our Terms of Use. We do not receive any commission or fee that is dependent upon which treatment provider a caller chooses. Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated. If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. When my husband misses a turn because he’s in the wrong lane, I say nothing.
Those who receive an amends see firsthand that people with use disorders can and do recover, becoming healthy, happy and productive community members. Stay tuned to SOBRLIFE for everything related to the journey of recovery and staying sober. Every week we offer more resources, support, and recovery-related updates. Our articles address questions, offer support, and are dedicated to shattering the stigma around addiction and recovery. More general quotes regarding the process can still be helpful, like, “I don’t want to just say I am sorry, I want to show in my actions I am truly making amends”. Taking the time to let the other person express how they were affected can promote a more effective healing process, as well as make things less ‘about us’ and more about the person affected.
- Though this cannot undo or directly compensate for the initial mistake, it can serve as living amends that comes through a different way of being in the world.
- Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by ___________________.
- We make a promise to pay an amount we can every month and begin on the day we make the face-to-face amends, and we have a set timeline for when all the money will be paid back.
- As a result, the opportunity is lost to make things right if that person dies before they can apologize.
Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by ___________________. If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know. My only goal right now is to acknowledge the harm I caused and do what I can to make amends, if that’s possible.
Leave a Reply